Astyages's Weblog

August 16, 2009

The Woeful Tale of Porky Joe

Filed under: Porky Joe — astyages @ 2:57 pm

 

The Woeful Tale of Porky Joe

 

Up in North Australia,

Where the crocodilligators grow

There lived a wild pig-shooter

By the name of Porky Joe.

Now Porky had a sheila

Who thought it was her right

To punish her errant husband

If he came in too late at night…

 

One evening on the grog, in town,

As men are wont to do

He bumped into a sheila

On his way out to the loo…

With thighs like traps of steel

And the biggest eyes of blue…

The cocky’s youngest daughter,

Whose name was Cindy-Lou.

 

Now Cindy was a young girl

And she thought it was no harm

As Porky grabbed a bottle of Bundy

And walked her out towards the barn.

And in Cindy-Lou’s young arms

Porky Joe quite forgot himself

He forgot his wife, Matilda,

His children… and his health!

 

Until at dawn the cock crowed

And he was jerked awake

With terrifying thoughts

Of the revenge his wife would take…

While Matilda had spent the night

Wracking her furious brain

For a means to punish Porky Joe,

So he would not do it again.

 

Quickly springing up and leaving

Cindy-Lou there in the hay

Porky Joe ran home directly,

Trying to think what he would say

Had anybody seen them…?

Or had they maybe overheard…?

And if anybody had seen,

Would they spread the word?

 

He decided that they would,

And he knew then he was doomed

To a life serving Matilda

While she lay idle in her room;

Attending her smallest whim,

Porky knew would be his fate

While he strove in vain for forgiveness

And she gave him only hate.

 

But as he opened his front door,

Much to his surprise,

Matilda brought his pipe and bowl…

He could not believe his eyes.

Showing nothing but concern

For the welfare of her man

She acted pleased to see him;

Revealing nothing of her plan…

 

Porky Joe was taken in by Matilda’s

Surprisingly pleasant manner

And finally he managed

To utter with a stammer,

“P-p-passed out in the barn behind the

Drover’s Arms after I’d cried ‘Ruth’”

She seemed happy to believe him;

As if he always told the truth…

 

But Matilda was not deceived

By Porky Joe’s transparent lie;

She’d smelled another woman’s scent

Upon him as she removed his tie

And wisely she said nothing

But dutifully she fed

Her hungry errant husband

And then sent him off to bed.

 

Then, as he slept quite soundly,

Free from any fears,

Matilda crept into her husband’s room

With an old-fashioned pair of shears…

She severed him from his manhood,

As suddenly from his dream

Porky Joe woke in a bloody puddle,

With an agonizing scream.

 

“Matilda, what have you done to me?”

He said, but it was clear

From his new soprano voice

And the blood upon the shears;

His wife had just castrated him;

And she’d thoroughly taken all…

He’d liked a game of snooker,

But now he’d neither stick nor ball.

 

But Joe realized where the fault lay;

And he knew it was all his own

He should never have taught Matilda

To use the shears and sharpening stone.

But the moral became clear to him

As Joe bled to death alone,

If you shit on your own doorstep,

It’s safer never to come home.

 

So come all you wild pig-shooters

And listen to my story

If you behave like Porky Joe

Your end will be quite gory.

And like Porky Joe, a-lying there

In all his blood and gore,

You’ll never go a-waltzing

Your Matilda any more…

 

 By DL Rowlands

2 Comments »

  1. Hehehehe… Sussed it!

    Thank you Paula, for leaving your comment and for your interest in my poems; you are now officially the second person kind enough to leave a comment (though actually the third; unfortunately I had to delete a comment from my ex-wife, Maggie; no… hang on I don’t mean that quite the way it sounds! Maggie’s comment was also encouraging.

    I do hope you will enjoy some of my other work too… and that you also leave your thoughts.

    ‘Cyrus’ is a ‘rattling good yarn’ about Cyrus the Great, the founder of the Persian Empire.

    I told you I loved history; especially ANCIENT history…

    ‘Aesthetics of Violence’, should you be brave enough to attempt to read it, is an antrhopological work based on; or rather, developed from my honors thesis and outlines a paradigm for understanding violence as a form of human self-expression; focussing particularly on the social production and amplification of violence.

    🙂

    Comment by astyages — September 16, 2009 @ 3:58 pm | Reply

  2. WOW HOW POETIC AND CUTE IS THAT??/VERY CLEVER …POOR OLD PORKIE THO IT SERVES HIM RIGHT FOR DANGLING HIS DOO DAH WHERE IT DIDNT BELONG!!!
    WELL DONE !!!

    ASTYAGES says: Hope you don’t mind me doing my answer as an ‘edit’ of your post, Paula, but for some reason the ‘reply’ button doesn’t seem to want to work for me today…

    And thank you very much for such kind compliments. “Porky Joe” is essentially a tragic ‘tale with a moral’ modelled on such Victorian poets as Hillaire Belloc, whilst also being a bit of a spoof on them too.

    Welcome to Astyages’ Weblog!

    PS: BTW having lots of probs trying to reply to your emails… Saturday night’s alright (as Elton John said!) providing we can resolve my transport issues; please either email me again or else telephone me on 08 8338 4526 to make arrangements.

    Comment by PAULA WHITE — September 15, 2009 @ 7:42 pm | Reply


RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URI

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Kayak Fishing in South Australia and the UK

Kayak Fishing in South Australia and the UK

ExJew

Choose to not be chosen

The Neighborhood

Society online's creative conscious.

Gringa of the Barrio

A Sassy Barrio Gringa Telling It Like It Is

Simple Living Over 50

Defining Life's Changes

News For The Blind

News That Isn't In The Lamestream Media

Nova Spire

Ottawa, Canada Based - Electronic Music Artist/Producer, Film Music Composer

An Experimentalist's Disordered Views

A tribute to the failure of the investment in innovation

Art by Ellison

A collection of my work past sales portfolio murals and digital art offers and orders taken

Humanity777's Blog

The Church of Christ

We see as through a glass darkly

Different site, same strange Truth...

agree to facts

uncover the true reality

Arlin Report

COMMENTATOR FOR ALL.......SENIOR CITIZENS INFO

The Mind of RD REVILO

Conscious Thought: Driven by Intelligent Awareness

HWNSURF.INFO

Liberty News & Commentary

%d bloggers like this: